Initially it feels strange to compare communicating with your employees to negotiating with a hostage taker – however much it might feel like that sometimes. We’ve discovered that we can learn a thing or two from expert negotiators in stressful situations, especially when it comes to communicating in a crisis.
Our MD Judith Groves interviewed Martin Richards, a hostage negotiator and crisis management professional, who shared some of his secrets and techniques on how to communicate during a crisis and how to engage even the most reluctant of people.
Listen to the full interview here and download your handy guide full of communcation techniques here.
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Let’s be honest, the last five months have really tested IC teams and leaders, and their ability to react quickly, listen openly and communicate effectively, all the while dealing with their own personal challenges and situations. The coronavirus pandemic came on rapidly and employers had to react and adapt fast.
Staff were furloughed within days of lockdown and anxiety amongst the workforce increased rapidly. Essential workers were sent out to the front line whilst the rest of us set up camp at home.
Employee communication was no longer a ‘nice to have’. It became a vital lifeline in order for staff and businesses to continue to operate as normally as possible. The unknown was prevalent, and it was important for leaders to address what was happening as honestly as humanly possible.
Authenticity was at the heart of the communication. We got to see inside people’s home and almost instantly we began to realise how Professor Robert Kelly was feeling when his toddler came bounding in during his broadcast on the BBC.
We’re now in September and taking steps to return to some kind of normality, but as lockdown restrictions vary round the country and the economy is struggling, business leaders are continuing to have difficult conversations with employees.
Here’s a roundup of what Martin Richards teaches us about hostage negotiation and the techniques we can use in our communication: -
Have a checklist
Hostage negotiators have a checklist, as do doctors, pilots, surgeons and many other professionals who have to work in highly stressful situations. It gives them something to refer back to and check off to ensure they’ve covered everything they need to, so their brain isn’t working hard trying to remember at the same time as handling the situation in front of them.
Check yourself before checking in
When a hostage negotiator turns up to someone in crisis, they could be feeling stressed and anxious themselves, so it’s important for them to listen to their emotions and deal with those before moving forward and speaking to the person in question.
Even though you are the one leading these conversations with staff, you still need to check in with yourself first and recognise how you’re feeling. When you’re stressed or anxious, it’s nigh on impossible for you to listen to the other person and use the skills and techniques that make you available. Listening is the most crucial aspect of communication if you want to build trust, influence behaviour and have a respected two-way conversation. Which brings us nicely on to…
Refer to the negotiation staircase, otherwise known as The Behavioural Change Stairway Model
This model was developed by the FBI’s hostage negotiation unit and shows 5 steps to getting someone to see your point of view and changing their behaviour. This technique applies to most forms of disagreement or conflict and can be used in both professional and personal situations.
There are five steps, which are: -
- Active Listening
- Empathy
- Rapport
- Influence
- Behavioural Change
As with most things, the foundations are crucial. The first and most fundamental step is to engage with the other person using active listening, and is where most people fail. Here is where you can really take your communication to the next level.
What is Active Listening?
There are some basics of active listening that will come naturally, such as nodding your head, not interrupting, asking questions, however the more you use the following techniques, the more you can move your way up that negotiation staircase.
Emotional labelling
Emotional labelling is where we give feelings a name and show that you are able to recognise how the other person is feeling. You may not agree with these feelings, but it’s important to show you understand they are feeling a certain way. You should not tell someone how to feel or not feel either, this just undermines their emotions and makes them think that you don’t really care about them at all.
e.g. ‘You sound angry’. ‘I’m not angry, I’m frustrated’. You now have a clear insight into how someone is feeling and can deal with that emotion.
Mirroring
You can mirror someone using both verbal and non-verbal queues. Non-verbal queues would be doing things in the same rhythm, or at the same time. Verbal mirroring would be to repeat the last 3-5 words that the person has just said. This helps keep the conversation going, maintains interest, shows the person that you value what they say, and doesn’t require any thinking
e.g. ‘Back off I’m going to jump’…. ‘you’re going to jump’. By mirroring what the person has just said, it gives you time to think, compose yourself and create a response that isn’t going to alarm anyone.
Ask open questions
Asking closed or leading questions guides answers of response. You want them to open up and continue a conversation with you. Start your questions with ‘who’ ‘what’ ‘why’ ‘how’ and ‘tell’. Be careful not to ask too many questions though, you don’t want to start interrogating them as this can start to re-introduce tension that you’ve worked so hard to defuse.
e.g. ‘What would you like to happen?’. By asking someone a question where they can explore their thoughts and feelings, allowing them to open up.
Effective silence
Use silence when you want to make a point, or when someone is angry. Silence, when used effectively is very powerful. It can encourage someone to keep talking or give time for situations to cool down. Effective silence is also great when giving information that you need people to take in. This can be used in both verbal and non-verbal communication methods.
Break it down.
Give information in manageable chunks to help it to sink in.
It helps to make more impact.
Especially if it’s bad or stressful news.
Paraphrasing
Summarise what you’ve heard and repeat it back to them in your own words. This helps them to see you’ve listened and understood what they’re saying and helps validate this in your mind.
Don’t say ‘don’t’… and other things not to say
Avoid using words such as ‘don’t’, ‘calm down’, ‘should’, ‘but’ and ‘must’ and try replacing them with words and phrases such as ‘have you thought about…’, ‘may I suggest…’, ‘have you considered…’. You shouldn’t be telling someone what to do or how to think as this doesn’t help build a respected rapport or relationship.
Consider your communication channels
Depending on what you want to say, and who you need to say it to, consider what would be the best channels for that particular communication. Consider the risks as well as understanding where people will be at when they receive your communication. How open will they be to it? How much attention will they give to it? It’s not just about what you say, it’s how and when you say it too.
And finally, be human
The world is a crazy place right now and it’s totally normal for anyone and everyone to feel a little uneasy right now. Be honest, be human. Share how you’re feeling. This helps you to be more authentic and helps to create connection and build trust.
Download your guide today
If you found this article helpful, download your guide so you can refer back to these techniques and use them in your communication.
